Viability
This post is dedicated to everyone you'd think that I would despise. The ones who tried to change me to please them. To you who never liked me for me but just wanted me to shut up and fit in.
I have something to say to you: Thank you! Your lies, your despise, your contempt, your superior bullying. Everything that your fear made you do to me. The behavior that almost drained me of my life, it made me so much stronger. You are wrong and I am so grateful that I called your bluff in time. That your shallow reasons for reasoning your way became transparent to me.
You have so many excuses to live by fear and hate. I am so grateful that you pushed me away so I can't be no where close to you. Now I am finally breathing fresh air.
You tried to threw me down in the gutter and I just let you do it. I am so grateful that your world is upside down so I went to the stars instead.
Your hate made me stronger
Your lies made me smarter
Your contempt made me learn humility
You tried to push me down and that made me learn to run faster and try harder
I let you cover my back and you back stabbed me. If you hadn't how would I have known that I'm a immortal superhero?
I would never have come this far without you. I am not the victim anymore, I give that back to you.
You failed, you lost. I gained, I won. I hope life will help give you the lessons you have to learn, I hope your lessons are more gentle then the ones you gave me. Mostly; I hope I never will see you again but that I always will remember never to be like you.
The difference between you and me is that I know I have a long way ahead. I know that I don't know anything, you are trapped in your cave. Thank you!
6 comments:
I don't think I would ever have the strength to make a post like this to all the people who tried to make me stay the same as they wanted me to be and not let me become the person that I truly knew I was. But it's inspiring to see that you were able to.
elliot: A new friend asked me if I was embittered from how I was treated when I came out and then I started to answer that it is hard but as I wrote about it I just felt so much gratitude, not towards the cowards but I truly am grateful to the fact that I finally grew up.
A few minutes ago I bumped into my philosophy teacher. I haven't seen him in a few weeks and he came up a bit to close and whispered "I read your paper about morality. Goddamn! It was heavy. Goddamn Alex, it was good. We have to talk about it later on. Fucking good Alex." Weird, quite surreal but a very nice response from a teacher with very high standards.
alex, you constantly suprise me and astound me with the life surging through you in spite of the death heaped on you.
This is such a powerful post I just had to respond. I first read your writing on Peterson's blog, and had to come over here and read it all.
You are AMAZING! You make me proud to be part Swedish!
Valorie from south of Seattle Washington
Thank you Valorie for your comment and for reading my posts at Petersons blog and follow the link over seas and read this.
Hi Alex,
My friend Valorie alerted me about your courage. I almost took my life because I could not take the rejection and feeling of loneliness. I spent two weeks in Seattle's VA Hospital and my recovery began.
All is much better now. What is odd is that in my work as a pastor, educator, retired GI and youth gang worker I thought I could handle anything.
I survived a very violent childhood, but I almost did not survive the rejection and hurt when I first came out.
Thank you for your story and may you and your family have a blessed Thanksgiving.
Nelson blaine sloopy312@comcast.net
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