Home free?

I have used the last half hour to google the term "home free". I am not sure how to use it and google don't really give me any help. Do you know what that means? I can use half an hour to do something totally meaningless. I realized after one minute that I wouldn't get any good answers but I kept on reading. You know why? I am finished with my studies for this year! I did it!

(long pause)

I'm sitting at the library as usual. Just besides me three girls who are in 9th grade which make them 15 yrs old. A couple of minutes ago one of them told the third (the second one seemed to already know) about her weekend.

girl: Have you heard what happened this weekend?
friend: No, anything special?
girl: You know Hannah, my best friend?
friend: Hannah, Hannah?
girl: Yeah, Hannah.
friend: What?
girl: She slept with Jimmy friday night.
friend: You're kidding? (her voice got really serious)
girl: No. He is my boyfriend and she is my best friend.
friend: How do you know?
girl: She was supposed to sleep at my place but mom caught us smoking and said that Hannah had to leave. Her mother didn't want to get her and she didn't have anyone to go to so we asked Timmy to lend her his sofa. She promised not to do anything with her but then on saturday she called me and told that they had slept together.
friend: That sucks
girl: I know. I tried to take my life and slept at the psych. ward. I don't know what to do. I don't want do die anymore, he is not worth it. But I can't go back to either mom nor dad. Social services is going to call me in a few hours to tell me if they have any place for me to sleep for a few nights. I don't want to sleep at the hospital any more.
friend: You can't kill your self
girl: I know
friend: I don't know what to say

(Hannah and Jimmy isn't the names she used)

Then they talked about other stuff for a while and I wrote this. Then they was quite for a while.

girl: Mom is pregnant. She can't take care of us two she already have but now she will start over with a third.
friend: Three is not that much
girl: I don't get why she wants another when she doesn't want us and says that she can't handle us
friend: It can be nice with a baby
girl: If she let me stay.

Then they went on with hair styles and make-up.

girl: I wonder what I am supposed to do know
the friends starts to joke.
girl: I have to go home now and pack a bag before mom gets home.



This is probably the first time I miss looking like a woman. As a woman it would be easer just to start talking to her, buy her a cup of tea and try give some support.

What is the right thing to do? To just sit here, stealing her words thinking about me. I think I am a part of her hell, having heard what I heard and choose not to do anything. But I honestly have no idea what would be a good thing to do. The friends didn't hesitate to follow her when se had to go so she is not completely alone, but she surely could need some adult that wouldn't fuck with her or her feelings.

What would have been the right thing to do? The way she told the story told me that it was true and that this is how her life has been for many years. Her love for her younger sister that came up in other discussions with her friends seems to be what keeps her going. I hope that she will meet someone more mature and caring than me. I hope I will grow to show compassion. I wish I knew how to be a Christian and I am happy that my sins are forgiven so that I not will be judged as I deserve. I hope that God listens to prayers and that my prayers for her can do something better for her, not only calm my mind.

What would have been the right thing to do? My conscious only gives me a lot of wrong things that I don't want to do. I know not what to do.