across and beyond

I am sitting at my library. With my I refer to the central public library of Umeå.

When I moved away from home a few days after my not so sweet 16 I moved to this city 230 km/143 miles away from my parents. It was as far away I could get back then. Since then a lot has happened. Not only has almost 12 years gone by, I have changed in many ways.

This time I moved as close as possible to the place I couldn't wait to get away from.
Contrary to me, this public library hasn't changed a lot. I have been sitting in this very chair many times before.

I liked to sit here when I was a teenager as well as now. It is a big round table with comfortable chairs between the book shelfs for religion and for foreign talking books. It is a quiet corner of the library and the few people who comes to this two shelfs is always interesting to observe. The chair I am sitting in is placed in a oriel that gives me a view over the avenue. Across the avenue I can see the window of the youth health clinic where I first understood that I truly am a human being.

I met a psychiatrist there about this time of year 11 years ago and first we chitchatted for a while and talked about my boyfriend, my parents and siblings. They are all good people but she picked up that there was something else and I felt comfortable enough to tell her a bit of what separated me from the rest of humanity. She immediately wrote a referral to the hospital and I got very good help to start to understand myself. Back then I didn't have words nor feelings to explain what made me feel like a bomb ready to detonate.

Now, a decade later I have learned how to allow myself to feel and to put words not only in my mother tongue but in a foreign language as well. That closes one chapter in the book of me and opens others. I am happy that chapter wasn't the only one in my story.

It gives me a special joy to sit here with Webster's 3rd and learn the words for todays English lesson. I am not at all against technology, on the contrary, I would use a online dictionary without a doubt if I had Internet here. But it surely is a wonderful feeling to have a huge dictionary in front of you and find ori•el on page 1591 for this post with a nice little illustration to show me that it really is the right word. Before today I didn't know that thinghood was a word. But Webster teach me on page 2376 : thinghood 1: the quality or state of being a thing. 2: something that constitutes a ting as such (~ must also include objective change - C.I. Lewis).

Now I have to study for my English class. My homework for this week is to read eight pages of a test about how we learn language and how the English language don't have a good word for a live-in partner. Then we have some words we have to know. If anyone want to learns some Swedish, here they are:

adult -- vuxen
mother tongue -- modersmål
cope with -- klara av, reda sig i
environment -- omgivning, miljö
context -- sammanhang
suitable -- lämplig
subject -- ämne
experience -- erfara, uppleva
sense -- sinne
approach -- närma sig, angripa
purpose -- syfte, ändamål
assume -- anta
level -- nivå
correspond -- motsvara
course -- kurs
achieve -- uppnå, åstadkomma
otherwise -- annars
whereas -- medan
require -- kräva
vocabulary -- ordförråd
regular -- regelbunden
generalization -- generalisering
regularity -- regelbundenhet
set forth -- lägga fram, presentera
consistent -- sammanhängande, konsekvent
systematize -- systematisera
finite verb -- verb som står i nutids- eller dåtids-form; i texten avses nutidsformen
hold for -- gälla
innumerable -- otalig
unsystematic -- osystematisk
go about -- bära sig åt, gå tillväga med
unconsciously -- omedvetet
handle -- behandla
disposal -- förfogande
carry over -- överföra
case -- fall
bother -- besvära, bekymra
whenever -- närhelst
differ from -- vara olik, skilja sig från
create -- skapa
apply -- tillämpa
above all -- framför allt
furnish -- förse, tillhandahålla
concrete -- konkret
go on -- gå efter, rätta sig efter
analyse -- analysera
thus -- sålunda
master -- behärska
abstract -- abstrakt
on the other hand -- å andra sidan
limit -- begränsa
educated -- bildad
clumsy -- klumpig, otymplig
laborious -- mödosam, tung
set -- uppsättning
the sheer number -- bara (blotta) antalet
various -- olika
peculiarity -- egenhet
time-consuming -- tidskrävande
essential -- väsentlig
unless -- om inte
grasp -- fatta, begripa
mainly -- huvudsakligen
tend -- tendera, ha en tenden
occur -- förekomma, uppträda
recall -- erinra sig, påminna sig
efficient -- effektiv
store -- lagra, bevara
means -- medel
connect -- förbinda
be similar -- likna
inner -- inre
structure -- struktur, uppbyggnad
stand to -- förhålla sig till
logical -- logisk
etymology -- etymologi
that we are likely to read about -- som vi sannolikt kommer att läsa om
hence -- därför
policy -- politik: tillvägagångssätt
concentrate on -- konsentrera sig på
frequent -- vanlig, ofta förekommande
by contrast -- däremot
argument -- resonemang
connected -- sammanhängande
substance -- substans, innehåll
whether...or -- vare sig...eller
naturally -- naturligt
fluently -- flytande
revise -- repetera
fix in our minds -- inpränta
worth while -- mödan värd
wag -- vifta på
rub -- gnida
wave -- vifta med
antenna -- känselspröt
linguist -- språkvetenskapsman
gesture -- gest
cave -- grotta
signal -- signalera till
standardize -- standardisera
communicate -- kommunisera
series -- serie
symbolize -- symbolisera
emphasize -- framhäva
punch -- kraft
emphasis -- eftertryck
obscene -- oansträndig
gladiator -- gladiator
clench -- knyta
fist -- knytnäve
extend -- sträcka ut
approval -- gillande
disapproval -- ogillande
approve -- gilla, godkänna
wink -- blinka
cooperate -- samarbeta
shrug the shoulders -- rycka på axlarna
dramatic -- dramatisk
indicate -- ange
first finger, index finger -- pekfinger
chest -- bröst(korg)
curl -- rulla: böja upp
tease -- reta
disrespect -- ringaktning
adult -- vuxen
snap -- knäppa med

If anyone still wonders why I don't post as much I just will say that this is my shortest HW in the three courses I have started, in two weeks I will start another course. But actually I work the other way around. With much to do I am more likely to write here. So maybe I will post more frequently during February.