Patient

So I had surgery 10 days ago. Nothing major and nothing minor. Or maybe both major and minor. The OR was cancelled 13 hours before I was supposed to check myself in. Besides the immediate frustration to get a phone call canceling something I just drove 500 miles to do I was disapointed on a deeper level and I felt really broken. I have waited for almost two years to get this chest surgery and I have always told myself it is no big deal but just practical to get it done so I don't have to care about binders and stuff. But when I got the call telling me it was canceled I got beyond sad and maybe close to mad. But magic happened and I got my surgery. It went fine and the first day was tough pain wise but now I have no pain left. I am just tired and the scars itch as it heals.

Just one tiny complication. One of my nipples doesn't get what it wants and is a bit cranky. I have been to the ER three times the last three days and had several phone calls and now most people involved agrees that it is no infection and just bad circulation and hopefully rest of my body can share some blood and the tissue can start to heal. It is a very different feeling to look down on a body part and see how it turnes blue, purple and now black just hoping that something good will happen and that it will not die and fall off. I have some good blood, why can't I force my body to just share some more with the nipple? It is so easy to think that you are in charge of your body. This is my body I decide where the blood goes! If it wasn't ice on every lake I would seriously go looking for leeches. I am not good at just sitting and waiting to see if pieces of me will heal or fall off.

Tomorrow morning the eastern weekend is over and I will contact the plastic surgery clinic at the huge local teaching hospital and I hope that the step from ER:s to regular wards at regular hours get more rewarding comments than "that looks bad but there's nothing we can do". But mostly happy I don't have any pain. I feel free and n the right track. To annoy any (every) American trans person I can tell you that the total cost for my surgery, the three er-consultations and the many phone-calls up till now have reached a total of 0 kr. That is about $0 in your currency. The bright side of our almost socialism. Well I have spent some money on gas to get to the hospitals and the same almost socialism makes the gas cost more than twice as much here. To be fair I have spent 300-400 kr/~$50 on antibiotics and Panodil/Panadol. But now I have reached the limit for how much I have to pay on prescribed medications this year. Free health care for everyone is better than good.

Now I have to post this and jump in the shower. The kids and I have eastern break for a week and now when the clock has turned 8.50 am they think I am almost evil not having done anything funny yet. Not to mention how deeply unjust it is that the store we have plans on going to not opens before 10. How on earth could my offspring become early birds?